The Shock And Awe

It has been a month since Mike has had his stroke. I think I have gone through every possible emotion and trying to live with the shock of what has happened and the awe in which I watch my husband slowly try to reclaim his life.

I would say the first weeks are like going through the grieving process, the disbelieve,the anger and such a sense of loss.I have cried an ocean of tears, probably more than in my whole life put together.

I have felt fear and loneliness so profound, it is almost mind numbing. Thank God for friends, relatives and drugs, I would never have gotten through this without them. 

It is surprising who sticks with you and who does not, people you thought that would be your rock, suddenly become scarce, lost in their own lives. Although I understand this, it hurts and disappoints.

Everyone is full of suggestions, things I should do, things I shouldn't do, all have an opinion. The simple fact is this, all you want is someone to listen, someone to come over or invite you over for a chat or a meal. It is amazing to me how much energy this consumes. People take it for granted that you are the same person as before. They are so, so wrong. You cannot think straight, you cannot make a decision, your emotions are all over the map. For Christs sake, your whole world has just come crashing down around you, and that's all you really know, take my word for it.

The first task was to get Mike back to Ottawa so it would be easier to visit, that got done the first week, he was transferred to the Neuro floor of the Civic. Next was to take care of getting all our equipment off the campsite, that also got done in the first week. Then to cancel our Grundy reservations, which broke my heart and write away to the parks to try and get a full refund. Needless to say, this all contributed to my already fragile state. I thank God for my daughter April and my dear friend Arnie Chattaway, who helped me through the toughest time of my life and was there for me when I lost it, time after time.

The next week on the Neuro floor was terrible as the care and attitude of the doctors on that floor was reprehensible, I would not treat a dog the way the patients are treated there. Put in wheelchairs and left for hours at a time, then try to give them rehab. I could not convince them that Mike was in pain, instead they mistook it for stubbornness and reported that he was uncooperative, which caused him to lose his chance at getting into a rehab Center. I lost my marbles over this and took a real fit, he was then transferred to the 3rd floor transition unit.

Here is where the story changes and the hope and healing begins. He has gotten excellent care on this floor and made great strides, the feeding tube is gone, he is eating great, started to talk more and getting physio and speech therapy. On June 15th, we received the great news that he got accepted into the Bruyere institute for rehab and should be going within the next few weeks. On the 17th, he finally got a pain treatment at the General. This has greatly helped his attitude and mobility. It has also helped my morale as he is always upbeat, saying new things and being very affectionate with me. On the one month  anniversary of his stroke, the catheter came out for good.

We are both starting to heal, little by little. After one month into this journey, I am in awe of how the brain comes back and heals, oh so slowly, but progress is there. We have a little routine going, I visit every day and we have our special outings together. I am starting to get a bit stronger as I learn to be alone and truly independent for the first time in my life and accepting that life doesn't always go as planned.

A Big Change of Plan

Our maiden voyage of camping 2015 started out with promise but ended unexpectedly when my 58 year old husband Mike had a massive stroke on Saturday, May 23 in our trailer.

We had had good weather, a little cool, but we got to try out our new toys, Mike had bought himself a fishing kayak and I had bought a standup paddleboard.  We went by the osprey nest but saw no sign of them this year. Although I heard the Orioles, I didn't see them but I did get to see a rose breasted grosbeak which landed in a tree nearby. Almost immediately after I put up my feeder, the hummingbirds started coming. It was great to see them.

Since it was too cold to swim, I decided on doing a lot of walking and bike riding. Mike came some days, but we had to stop and rest a lot. We saw the raccoon (probably the same one from last year) doing his tour around 5pm and a couple of other times during the day he gave me a good scare by coming up behind me in the yard. He is quite brazen. 

We had Cris and Arnie for dinner our first day and April and Jack were going to come up the weekend of the 22nd, however, on that Friday night, she called to say that Jack had a sore throat and so did she so they would not be coming for the weekend. I was disappointed but that's life. We were having a quiet evening, it was cool and I was reading, Mike took Finn out around 11pm but Finn wouldn't go, just sniffed over and over. Mike was uncharacteristicly angry with him. I went to bed at 11:30pm, giving Mike a kiss goodnight.

At 6:15am I awoke to see Mike fall from the bed onto the floor. I got up and found he was awake but looked like he fell and couldn't get up. I asked him what was wrong but he couldn't answer. I thought it was because of his pain, but then noticed he had a droop to his face and realized that he might have had a stroke. I immediately called 911, then Cris and Arnie who were nearby in Smith Falls. The ambulance came and took him to Kingston General Hospital, where it was confirmed that he had had a massive stroke.

So, I have had a big change of plans, and I begin a new type of journey, one that certainly will not be as pleasant and easy as the great summer I had planned for myself.